Interview with Death

It’s not often that I get to interview a genuine celebrity, but recently I heard that none other than Death himself was in New Britannia inspecting the ubiquitous resurrection ankhs scattered throughout the land. We caught up with Death and his lovely wife Morticia where they were staying at one of the delightful cottages in Kiln.

”Good afternoon, Death. First let me say what a rare privilege and honor it is to meet you.”

”Nonsense. I get to meet everyone eventually.”

”Quite. If it isn’t too much trouble, I’m sure my readers would greatly appreciate it if you could answer a few questions.”

”Sure, no problem. Ask away.”

”Many in New Britannia are curious as to why outlanders are apparently immortal. Frankly, they’re more than a little miffed about it. Is there anything you would like to say to put their minds at ease?”

”Ah yes. ‘Project Groundhog’ I call it. Technically they are not immortal. They die just like everyone else. The difference is that in their case they do it more often.”

”Oh, I see. But why?”

”The Oracle and I have a bet. She thinks that if outlanders are given multiple chances to correct their mistakes, they will eventually become virtuous. I disagree, so we have a little wager going. We’ve agreed to give each outlander a set time to become simultaneously virtuous in Truth, Love and Courage, and to facilitate that I have installed resurrection ankhs to bring them back to life every time they die before their time is up.”

”What exactly is the nature of this wager?”

”I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.”

”Never mind, it’s not that important. On another subject, Rumor has it that you are contemplating retirement. Does this presage an imminent end to mortality?”

”You wish! No, my son will be taking over. A real go-getter that one. I’m sure he’ll be setting out to impress his old man and make a name for himself.”

”Hmm. Will that be happening any time soon?”

”Probably right after I win my bet with the Oracle. She’ll no doubt be somewhat annoyed with the avatars and withdraw her protection. That would be the ideal time for my son to take over.”

”Well, thank you so much for the interview. I hope you enjoy your stay in New Britannia.”

”No problem. I look forward to our next meeting.”

”*gulp*”